Marmalade sat on the high wall outside her owner’s house and looked at what was going on around her. It was her favourite thing to do. She wasn’t known for her friendliness, in fact she wasn’t friendly at all. But her owner loved her and shared her sense of irony by naming her Marmalade, despite her being a white cat. She didn’t like all this touchy-feely stuff either, and only tolerated if there was a treat involved, like smoked salmon.
Today, she was looking at Mr Wilson who lived across the road. He was busy washing and waxing his new sports car.
Hello Marmalade, “What do you think about my new car?” he asked the cat.
‘I have lots of thoughts Mr Wilson, she thought to herself, but I will keep them to myself,it’s better that way. But if I was going to share them, and I’m NOT because I’m a cat and you’re not, these would be them..’
1- The car is way too small for you. You look ridiculous.
2-It looks like a banana.
3-The car is far too low and you struggle to get out.
4-Your belly touches the steering wheel.
5-When you drive with the top down your hair looks like a spaghetti mop on steroids.
6-Your new yellow sunglasses that match the car aren’t cool- trust me on this one.
7-Mr Wilson if you’re having a crisis of some sort and see your youth slipping away, I suggest you look into that shiny yellow bonnet and accept youth escapes us all.Look at me, my youth is behind me too, believe me and I’ve had nine lives!
8-But other than that Mr Wilson it’s a lovely car. Meow.
And with that Marmalade gave a big stretch, closed her eyes and fell asleep.